U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
