There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
