Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
