do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
