I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
