Your tits are I can't wait for
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
