So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
