I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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