She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
