hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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