Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
