he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
