I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
