He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
