i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
