i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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