I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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