im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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