I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
