Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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