I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
