How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
