You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
