Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Drake has all the answers
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
