dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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