I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
