Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
