I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You may now shotgun with the bride
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
