I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
