i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
