At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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