I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Randomize
