I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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