she woke up with a sticky ear
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
