If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
