wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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