just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
