I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
