12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
