apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
