I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
