i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
