Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
