he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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