I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
