Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
