yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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