is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do herpes really smell.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
