she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
