smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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