Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
