Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
