ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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