'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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